By David Freeze
In the past week, I’ve lost two women who meant the world to me. Two women who have touched my life in many different ways. But although they didn’t know each other, they both worked off the same script. They taught me a lesson that’s worth sharing today. The second funeral is tomorrow, and they are both on my mind tonight.
Ollie McKnight was 90 and had lived across the road from me since I bought our farm. Well over 30 years ago, I moved in with a wife and five blended kids. Our farm needed a lot of tender loving care and that included a house built in 1900. Most of it looked bad. My own mother passed away shortly afterwards, and Mrs. M took over. I didn’t think I needed scolding much, but she sometimes did. I grew to love her just like my own mother. Thankfully, we had a nice conversation the evening before she went to the hospital for the last time.
Patsy McBride, only 73 at her passing, came later. I didn’t know Patsy until I made my first cross country bicycle trip in 2013. I began to get short supportive texts from her along the way from Anacortes, Oregon to Myrtle Beach. Over 4200 miles and 54 days, I wondered how Patsy knew when I was struggling because she always seemed to send a message when I needed positive thoughts. Patsy was a talented musician who had lived in lots of places, even including a stint in Hawaii. I finally met her in person when our local newspaper hosted a reception following the completion of that bike ride. A brief interview with the editor got Patsy mentioned in the Salisbury Post the next day. She gave me a crocheted angel that has ridden along on every single long-distance ride since, now totaling well over 20,000 miles.
Both these women had health issues that I discovered but seldom learned directly from them. They didn’t dwell on those things and always kept forging ahead. Ollie had heart, knee, kidney and other issues. She spent several years on dialysis until she was awarded a kidney much later in life than most can hope for. Patsy battled cancer since the time I met her. I remember that she could only stay a few minutes the night that she attended that first reception. Doctors kept finding ways to treat the cancers and Patsy fought right along with them.
The world that knew these women as Ollie and Patsy didn’t hear complaints from them. What they saw was an incredible spirit and an intense desire to keep living life no matter the physical issues. Ollie kept the road hot in her car and truck. Church, grange, weddings, funerals and visiting plenty of friends. Patsy kept playing the organ and directing the handbell group at Shiloh Reformed Church, even when she told me that she could hardly feel the piano keys. She was on so many treatments that her days were a struggle, yet she said often, “I’m playing Sunday.” And she usually did.
While my memories of these women are chocked full of so many things, it is easy to say that they inspired me. Inspiration comes in many ways, and I’ve already mentioned how they were steadfast in continuing their activities as long as possible. They lived and loved life.
I realized over the last week that they both had a special skill that I’m determined to learn. One that few of us do well but some, just like these two women, have made into a world class trait. I haven’t documented anywhere near all the physical issues these women dealt with daily. I don’t know their complete list of struggles and here’s why. They hardly discussed them! I was fortunate to have long talks with both and regular discussions on numerous topics, those topics chosen because they didn’t want to burden others.
Here’s just a little sample of how our conversations went. I often knew something about the trials they faced, but most of the facts came from other sources. So, after just a brief description of their issues, both were gifted at shifting the focus to me or whoever else they spoke to. They genuinely didn’t want to linger over trials but quickly lifted the conversation to positive things and plenty of the how, when, why and what they genuinely wanted to learn about others. I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were pros at lifting spirits. I always felt better after talking to them! Help me Lord to learn from Ollie and Patsy!
