By Ashlie Miller

Divorce, death of a loved one, relocation, and having to work on holidays. Many seasons of life can transform holiday gatherings. I remember as young parents, the logistical gymnastics it took to get three boys ages five and under to multiple Thanksgiving dinners. His dad’s side, his mom’s side, my side, usually within about 24-36 hours! I often stressed at the thought of making it to each place intact with any amount of appetite left to receive the endeavors of the cook graciously. Then, there was balancing multiple plates while discouraging little hands from touching all the biscuits and rolls (because, let’s face it, that is all they wanted, regardless of how much effort went into the turkey and dressing). Don’t even get me started on getting through it all with no naps. But over the years, due to changes in the seasons of life, gatherings may be fewer in attendance, and some have even completely dissolved over time (who wants to take over hosting now that Grandma has passed?). 

Time brings more transitions, and again, we find ourselves with multiple gatherings to attend. This year is probably record-setting for us with five: a Friendsgiving begins our festivities, followed by three consecutive family gatherings, and topped off by a church family celebration. I no longer have to balance multiple plates, and the loss of loved ones over the years brings a new appreciation for the numerous gatherings, even if my introverted spirit will need a week to recover afterwards. 

“Won’t you get tired of the same meal repeated five times?!” you may be asking. Actually, a traditional Thanksgiving meal is probably my favorite menu. Yes, each of the gatherings will likely have several vegetable sides (both green and starches like sweet potato casserole), stuffing or dressing (there is a difference, and I prefer the latter if given the choice), rolls, a turkey, of course, a few other miscellaneous sides, and a full dessert table (which, depending on the household, may include sweet potato casserole if not considered a vegetable). 

You likely have similar tables and multiple gatherings, but that is where the similarities in the gatherings end. The reflections of gratitude, abundance, and grace will vary at each location. One place may be filled with fun and games, laughter, and the joy of the time together, unwinding with the people you feel most comfortable with. Though gratitude is not expressed in words, there is a common understanding of what you have been through together. Another stop may reflect getting through tough times – want and need, loss of various kinds, working through grief or other sorrow. It may be quieter and more awkward, but a different measure of grace is present. You may be blessed with a gathering that is straightforward and intentional with expressing praise to the Creator and Provider through testimony, writing it out on a placemat or leaves for a gratitude tree, or casually sharing stories of sustenance over the past year. Not every place is easy, though, is it? You may be gathering where the focus is the meal, not the people, nor the Great Provider. Tensions are strained. You wonder why you even show up. Perhaps the grace is what comes after leaving and realizing the gift of the solace, though imperfect it may be, of the home you have built away from where you grew up.

I’m not sure how many feasts are on your schedule. Whether you approach them with reluctance or with eagerness, there is room for grace and gratitude in as much variety as the sides that accompany the turkey. Just be looking for it. 

Ashlie Miller will be giving thanks in Cabarrus and Rowan County. Nothing could be finer! You may contact her at mrs.ashliemiller@gmail.com.