By Ashlie Miller

Photos and videos of families dropping off children at college have filled my social media feed in August. Family and friends made treks to colleges near and far, tools in hand, supplies being stocked, beds and desks being assembled. There are smiles and hugs but also tears.

While releasing our children can bring bittersweet tears, tears are not necessarily the only measure of love. The heartache of this moment does not look the same for each family.

Some families rejoice in new chapters as they see their children spread their wings, while also mourning their empty nest. Perhaps the child contributed joyfully to the environment of the home. Their absence in the daily routine will be greatly felt.

Other families are almost paralyzed without their children at home. Sometimes a parent’s identity is wrapped in parenting for 18 years. While children are finding themselves at college, parents are wondering if they have to start all over, finding themselves as well.

Still, for other families, the feelings may be things they do not want to say out loud. There is a sense of guilt in being glad at the release. Maybe, like some birds that leave the nest, they dirty the nest in the months and weeks leading up to departure. “Why has she or he been acting so distant? Why is our relationship strained when it wasn’t before?” Some argue that this is a defense mechanism as these young spirits are anticipating change that they may not even be fully ready for. Others have been dirtying the nest for years – rebellion, loss of love, confusion. Many things can put a strain on relationships despite a parent’s best efforts to provide a loving environment.

Wherever you find yourself in these scenarios, here is some encouragement:

* Your child does not have to navigate this new season alone. The children of Israel were encouraged that their God would go before them as they entered the Promised Land, facing insurmountable odds. He would not leave or forsake them (see Deuteronomy 31:8). God cares for your child (and you!) as well. We can entrust our children to their Creator’s care for their physical and spiritual well-being.

* If you’re uncertain (like many parents) that you did enough to prepare them for all that is ahead of them, recall how God was faithful to His people in the Old Testament during their distressing time of exile. Through raging waters and fiery trials, He was with them (see Isaiah 43:2). We, too, are often unprepared for hard times. We can pray our students will lean into the One who loves them and can protect and direct them. (See Psalm 121 for more encouragement.)

* For those whose goodbyes were marred by a dirty-nest departure, you do not have to feel guilty about feeling peace when your child is gone for a season. Just as Jesus left His disciples with a declaration of leaving His peace with them upon His departure, He can do the same for you, even in the midst of strained relationships. He can even do the same for your child. Pray that they will know that Peace is a Person.