By Ashlie Miller
Twenty-five years. 9/11 has literally been a lifetime for some who are too young to remember. It continues to affect the lives of many survivors; many are still losing loved ones or coworkers to delayed-onset illnesses or cancers.
Like you, I remember where I was as I watched the tragic events unfold on live TV. I was not supposed to be home that late in the morning; however, a rough evening the night before delayed my getting started. I actually can remember 9/10 because of what happened on 9/11. The details are unnecessary, but a personal crisis on 9/10 rocked my little 24-year-old world. I thought I was losing control of all that was within my grasp. My own security and structure. My plans. Was my world slipping away from me?
I woke up the next day to see what everyone else saw. Yes, the world everyone shared was still there, yet it didn’t seem like it would stay that way. Was the world slipping away from us? Were our eyes and hearts meant to take in all that we were seeing in real time?
The weeks following were filled with many emotions. After the uncertainty of “what is actually unfolding?”, the feelings of confusion, anger, sadness, and even despair, many Americans had strong resolve – to keep the enemy from destroying our way of life and live it as it should be lived, with rhythms of normalcy and even laughter. Americans putting their own lives at risk, helping strangers, rallying communities, and later sharing healing laughter showed me what resilience can look like.
While we as a nation were figuring out how to survive what would surely defeat our morale, I was also learning to move past a major trial as a young adult who had not yet experienced that personal level of seeming despair. Watching the towers fall challenged and changed what I would consider a crisis. No, God did not take away the things that threatened my security in that moment. Rather, He began to teach me where my security really was: He was my security. My soul was still secure. I could weather any storm with Him, because of Him. The odds before me were not insurmountable. God used 9/10 and 9/11 to teach me to lean in – closer to both Jesus and my husband; everything else was too shaky.
God taught me that my systems of supposed security did not have to be in place for me to be ok. Once my personal neediness was fully exposed and submitted to God, there was not much left to hide. I could be honest about my feelings of despair and frustration, and like a child, expect Him lovingly to carry me through – no one else could. September 11 showed us that survival still has many more stories beyond the pain, and twenty-five years have provided a long season to foster growth, dependence, and trust.
Looking back, I can see that insurmountable odds also exposed how deeply I needed to fully trust my loving Father more than having everything securely in place myself. In 25 years, I’ve still been learning the lesson. Our world may shake tomorrow, or maybe just my own little world. But the psalmist reminds us (see Psalm 46) that God is our refuge and strength.
