Rhonda Sassano

By Rhonda Sassano

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?  WHY DOES THIS  K E E P  HAPPENING TO ME?

We often wonder “Why, Lord, am I going thru this?”  The next divine encounter might be the reason why.  This is a small example, but maybe you can relate:  Last year, Victor had 3 flat tires in less than 14 days.  He was like, God, what is going on?!?!  He “got real” with the Lord for a minute.  Then, when Victor gets into the tow truck, he asks the driver, “How can I help you?” And based on the conversation, Victor shares his testimony with the guy.   Later, Victor’s father-in-law also had a conversation with the same guy about the Lord.  He didn’t know that Victor had already plowed the ground a bit.  And, no. No harvest that day.  But seeds went out or hardened dirt was tilled or fertilizer was mixed in.  Maybe it was just a little water to promote growth.   Either way, the Father has need of your story to draw in the next tow-truck driver.  Or the StarBucks barista or customer.  Or the impatient bank teller.  The careless buggy-collecting teen in the Harris Teeter parking lot.  Am I saying you should tell your story to every person you meet?  No.  I’m saying you need to be WILLING to share it with anyone you meet.  Am I saying that the Lord allows us to experience brokenness so someone else can get saved?  

Yup.  Not usually for that purpose alone, but yes.  And you need to get ready.

 1 Peter 3:15 “Worship Christ with your life. And be ready to tell anyone who asks about the hope that lies within you.”  Sometimes people ask without asking.  They’ll broach a subject or tell you something personal, and then they wait for your response.  That is STILL asking, even if it isn’t phrased as a question.  

 You need to be willing to face your area of brokenness and recognize it for what it is:  normal.  Not embarrassing or showing weakness or sharing TMI or any other lie the enemy wants you to believe.  It is NORMAL to be broken.  To have addictive behaviors.  Don’t misunderstand me here.  I am not saying it is ok to engage in addictive behaviors.  I’m saying we need to recognize them, understand what area of brokenness we are trying to cope with, and ask the Lord to forgive us for believing the lie there and replace it with His truth instead.  (A less offensive term for addictive behaviors is “coping mechanisms.)

You need to understand that God has a purpose for the brokenness He has allowed into your life.   He always has a plan.  A plan for your GOOD.  A plan for your GROWTH.  When you really consider all that has happened in your life: the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful, isn’t that exact conglomeration exactly what has perpetuated your closeness to Jesus?  Aren’t all the circumstances, challenging, easy, difficult, painful, joyful what brought you to where you are today?  Where else might you be except for the Lord intervening in one inconvenient way after another?

Listen.  Let me be really real with you right now.  It IS very difficult to be transparent.  It’s a huge risk to share your story and make yourself vulnerable.  It feels like one of those dreams in which you went to school not completely dressed.  And you don’t need to have the same level of transparency with every person you meet.  But you DO need to admit that you have brokenness.  That you are broken. That you have weathered some terrifying storms in your lifetime.  Earthquakes, even.  And each one of those experiences has changed you.  For better or for worser, you are not the same.

 When I am getting my heart ready for Sunday, every week, it’s tough.  I have to continually submit my will to the Lord.  I have to find the courage again to be vulnerable, to let you in to my pain. Every week, in the words I pray before the message, I intentionally lay my heart bare.  I remove all the covers from my life. In the prayers I pray, you can see all my struggles.  You can hear all my desires.  You can gain a sense of my failures and despairings.  I hope you realize that all I am, my whole life, is on the altar, but I’m still struggling to be still and trust Him when all I really want to do is crawl away and hide.  But you need to know that those prayers are birthed in the secret place where no one is allowed but Jesus.  Sometimes, when I start to write out what’s on my heart to say, words are just…too insufficient.  So I find a passage or a Psalm that communicates the love I want to feel from Him, the faithful kindness I want to experience, and all those things I’m only believing because I know God’s word is true, not because I’m feeling any of it.  So here’s the challenge.  Follow me as I follow Christ.  Take the risk to recognize the brokenness, recognize the goodness of God in it, and be willing to share it.  It could change someone’s life.

Would you spend some time asking the Father for His perspective on the circumstances of your life? Is there something you need to learn, to do, or to change?  Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind any coping mechanisms that have slipped in.  Ask Him to bring into the light any lies you are believing that are perpetuating that coping mechanism.   Ask Him to replace it with His truth and set you free.  Consider the grace the Father has extended to you.  How can we withhold that precious, life-changing grace from others?  

If you have the courage, here’s a prayer:  Father, I acknowledge my brokenness.  And I acknowledge that You have allowed it into my life.  Not for my hurt or for my pain, but to draw me closer to You, to push me to seek Your face more than ever before.  To honor me with a deeper understanding of Who You are.  So I receive all the brokenness from Your hand.  I let go of all the blame.  I forgive the one who has hurt me the most.  You allowed this, all of this, for my good.  So I would choose You.  Help me now to dig deeper, to discover the well of refreshing, the spring of rejuvenation that is found only in Your presence.  Help me hear the lies I speak to myself.  Give me courage to believe Your truth and be free of addictive behaviors.  I can endure pain without coping.  I lean into You.  You promised that when I am weak, then I am strong with YOUR strength.  

In Jesus’ name, amen. 

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, discouragement, or disappointment, please reach me here:  sunnyshade13@gmail.com.  I am a certified mental health coach and work with those who are fellow-strugglers to find health and healing through creative experiences and expression.

With joy,

Rhonda 

By Rhonda Sassano

Jesus, You are more than worthy! You are the Great I Am.  You are the Lion of Judah, and You are the Great Shepherd, even while You are the Lion, because You are our fierce protector and defender.  At the sound of Your Name, darkness trembles! Fear vanishes! Disease dissipates! And I stand strong, every foe vanquished.  Yes.  You are my Great Shepherd.  I want nothing.  I have more than I need. I don’t ask for anything because You already know and have set a plan in motion to take care of me. I choose to rest here in trust and hope, soaking in Your luxurious love for me. Your love brings me to a quiet brook of peace.  This is where you restore my soul and revive my weary heart. I surrender to Your plan.  Help me want for me only what YOU want for me. Help me be still and wait with joy and anticipation to see what You will do on my behalf. You set me on the path to Life, and it is only You who keeps me on that path, because You’ve written your word on my heart and birthed righteousness in my spirit. Now I long to please You, to walk beside You, to hold Your hand. Even when the path grows dark and murky, when blackness settles around me and hides You from my view. Even when discouragement and fear and doubts threaten to overwhelm me, You are still right beside me, leading me through to the other side.  Your authority is my strength and my peace.  The comfort of Your love removes fear. I am never lonely because You are always near. You provide a never-ending, bountiful feast for me, so that I am content with now and don’t worry about the future. You fill me with Your Holy Spirit, and delight in working on me and through me and with me to touch and bless others. As I hear Your Word today, I receive it with joy and thankfulness.  And I ask the Holy Spirit to bring me opportunities and help me recognize opportunities to share with others how Your goodness and mercy overtake me, and how they can join us in eternity with You. 

By Rhonda Sassano

”I long to drink of you, O God, to drink deeply from the streams of pleasure found flowing from your presence. My longings overwhelm me for more of you! My soul thirsts, pants, and longs for You, the living God. I want to come and see Your face, oh God. Day and night my tears keep falling and my heart keeps crying for your help, while my doubts mock me over and over, saying, “Where is this God of yours? Why doesn’t he help you?” Nevertheless, I speak over my heartbroken soul, “Take courage. Remember when you used to be right out front leading the procession of praise to go into the presence of the Lord? You shouted with joy as the sound of passionate celebration filled the air and the joyous multitude of lovers honored the Lord!” So then, my soul, why are you depressed? Why do you sink into despair? Keep hoping and waiting on God, your Savior. For no matter what, I will still sing with praise, for You God are my saving grace! Here I am depressed and downcast. Yet I still remember You as I ponder the place where your glory streams down from the mighty mountaintops, lofty and majestic—the mountains of your awesome presence. My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love. Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away, cascading over me like a thundering cataract. All through the day Yahweh commands his endless love to pour over me. Through the night I hear his songs and sing my praises to the living God. I will say to God, “You are my mountain of strength; how does it seem as though you’ve forgotten me? Why must I suffer this vile oppression of fears and doubts and anxious thoughts— these heartless tormentors who are out to deceive me?” Their wounding words pierce my heart over and over while they say, “Where is this God of yours?” Nevertheless.  I say to my soul, “Don’t be discouraged. Don’t be disturbed. For I know my God will break through for me.” Then I’ll have even more reasons to praise him all over again. Yes, he was, and is, and will always be  my saving grace!“

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭42‬:‭1‬-‭11‬ ‭TPT‬‬

    I wrote this out during the week preceding one of the toughest nights of my life.  I had it prepped and ready to share as the ending prayer for the worship set on Sunday.  But I couldn’t do it. Even alone in my closet, I couldn’t read it through without melting into tears.  The tears were a mixture of anger, disappointment, sadness, and an extreme loss of joy.  I jotted down a passage from Isaiah 41 as a safety net. 

     It was a great worship service. The Presence was strong, gentle and sweet.  I continued to shield my heart as I agonized through the “safety net” passage, and the emotions continued as I found my seat in the congregation. 

     After service, an elder’s wife asked me if I was okay.  I didn’t answer right away; as the pastor’s wife, I wanted my answer to be truthful… but measured. Too much vulnerability could prove disastrous. I indicated prayers were appreciated and moved on.

     Fast forward the week to Saturday morning. I was really struggling with guilt of the many hours I felt I “should’ve been working” but missed for one reason or another, and every reason was legitimate but now felt frivolous.  I was exhausted with trying to be grateful, ignore the depression, protect my heart and still be somewhat open to input from well-meaning others. 

     In a conversation with a very close friend, Psalm 23 came up, especially the verse “You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies.” As we shared our hearts about deeper meanings, my friend said “this table is about being content; finding satisfaction and even joy with what has already been provided.” Innocent enough, right?  WRONG!  I felt attacked and ashamed!  Condemnation and conviction both pummeled my thoughts and intentions, my very spirit!  Not wanting to lose my tenuous hold on my tears, I shut down and just listened as my friend went on with Paul’s declaration that whatsoever state he was in, he had learned to be content. 

     After we wrapped up our conversation, it seemed a shower would be a safe place to cry and scream.  And it was. So I did.  Finally, I gave up.  I couldn’t come to any conclusion other than the fact that I am not in control, and that I cannot change a single thing about my situation.  (My pastor would prefer me to say I “gave over.”)  I found myself picturing an altar and a naked figure trying desperately to hide, to escape, to find some modicum of safety or comfort or cover.  Realizing none of what was wanted or needed was present or available, the figure grew still.  I whispered, “Jesus, I want nothing.  I ask for nothing.  I am content with now. These words aren’t even true, Lord, but how I want them to be true!”  I was full-on sobbing now, and the wave of deep deep sadness pressed me into the tile. 

     My spirit began to intercede for me. Looking back, it was truly the Holy Spirit who used my own voice to utter my prayer language on my behalf.  I’ve never prayed for myself like that before.  I believe my spirit, by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, was praying for my mind and my soul, for my will to align with His will.  For the courage to stay on the altar.  To stay still on the altar. To let His work, excruciating though it may be, be completed in me.  

     When I could stand without support from the tile wall, I heard someone mumbling “I want nothing.  I ask for nothing.  I am content with now.”  I wrote the acronym on my mirror, and put it in my phone as an alarm every hour.  

     It took three more days for me to get used to the idea of not wanting or asking for anything.  I made a huge effort to inquire of the Lord everything…  before every word spoken, every crumb eaten, every text written, every … everything.  I was determined not to do ANYthing on my own.  It was the only way I could think to stay on the altar.  But it’s the beginning of the fifth day, and I can be transparent about my heart:  I feel better.  Less stressed.  My emotions are more stable, I have a different (better?) perspective on my situation (which isn’t exactly earth-shattering, in any case.) 

     By choosing to let go of everything I thought I needed and everything I knew I wanted… it’s been an enormous relief, actually. If I don’t already have it, then when I need it, the Lord will give it to me.  And if He doesn’t, then it’s for my good and maybe I don’t need it as much as I thought.  

     Could it be so simple, you ask?  Well there was definitely nothing simple about arriving at this conclusion!  It was an arduous, intensely painful journey.  And I’m still struggling to just … be still.  To stay on the altar.  But my heart so wants to please Him!  And if it takes an altar to do that. . . here I am. 

    Jeremiah 32:39-41 says,

(with my paraphrase,) ”I will give Rhonda one heart, and one way, so that for her good, she will fear Me always. I will make an everlasting covenant with Rhonda: I will never turn away from doing good to her, and I will put fear of Me in her heart so she will never again turn away from Me. I take delight in Rhonda, to do what is good for her, and with all My heart and mind I will faithfully plant her in this land.“

     In Exodus 20, the Israelites are standing at the base of the mountain, physically trembling in awestruck fear of the God who was tangibly present in the swirling clouds, thunder and lightning.  Moses tells them that the Lord wants to speak to them, but they were too afraid and backed away from the mountain, from the Holy Presence.  And from that moment forward, they were stuck in a cycle of rebellion and repentance.  If they had only stood still and heard His voice!  They would have been instilled with a sense of holy awe, divine respect, and deep desire to please Him.  Instead, they were simply unable to trust Him with anything, much less their hearts. 

     How about me?  Oh, I’ve heard His voice!  My heart wants to please Him more than I want to stay alive!  My flesh, not always so much…

     How about you?  You can hear Him and find relief, too.  Open the Word.  Open your heart.  His love is perpetual, never diminished, never doing anything other than what is for my best.  (And yours!)

     If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, discouragement, anger, or any other emotions, please connect with me.  I am a certified mental health coach and have been successful using creative expression to facilitate better mental health. It would be my privilege to encourage you!  Here’s my contact info

sunnyshade13@gmail.com

With joy,

Rhonda

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“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

Hello again!  I hope you find strength and hope and healing in the words below, taken from Psalm 51.

”Father, I know that You delight to set Your truth deep in my spirit. You can use every challenging situation to make me aware of my deep need for You…  So I invite You: come into the hidden places of my heart and teach me wisdom. Find all the dark corners where I shove the things too painful to be recognized.  Show me what needs purifying, every small thing that my conscience refuses to acknowledge.  The places You have allowed to be crushed within me are deeply painful, agonizing even. 

Let Your love wash over me until my heart is pure, free, and completely convinced of Your unending affection for me.  When I am satisfied with Your sweetness, I know my song of joy will return. I will rejoice again when I find Your healing touch, and I determine to receive it from every hand that extends it.  I realize You have orchestrated persons and situations in my life to bring me to this place at this time, at this point in my journey.  Increase my courage to embrace the healing in every way it comes, even if I don’t understand or it seems like too much discomfort.  I want to be, and I will be, made holy and new.  

Erase all my guilt by Your saving grace. Keep creating in me a clean heart, a spirit that loves to do Your will.  Help me fill my mind with true thoughts about You, and with holy desires, ready and eager to please You.  

No matter how many times I fail, You never reject me! You never take back from me Your sacred Spirit! Let my passion for life be restored, tasting joy in every breakthrough You bring to me. Hold me close to Your heart; create a willing spirit in me that obeys whatever You say.

O God, my saving God, deliver me fully from every doubt, and even the sin that seems unforgivable. Then my heart will once again be thrilled to sing the passionate songs of joy and deliverance! Lord God, unlock my heart, unlock my lips, so that I can overcome with my joyous praise! 

Strengthen my determination to live out this truth:  The source of Your pleasure, sweet Father, is not in my performance or the sacrifices I might offer to You. The fountain of Your pleasure is found in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before You. You will not despise my tenderness or abuse or scorn or mock me, as I bow down humbly at Your feet. 

And when I am fully restored, You will rejoice and take delight in the continuous offering of my life as a sacrifice of righteousness, given in love, from my heart to yours.”

If you struggle with depression, fear, anxiety, or discouragement, I would count it an honor to chat with you in person.  Find my information here:

With love and joy,

Rhonda

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“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

If you are feeling downhearted or discouraged, take a minute to speak this Psalm over yourself.  It’s been scientifically proven that anxiety and fear cannot coexist with gratitude. So, focus your mind on the verses below, allow gratefulness to swell in your heart for your Eternal Hope of Glory, and for the authority Jesus has already provided for us and encourages us to walk in every day, in every situation.  

From Psalm 24

”Jesus, You claim the world as Yours and indeed it is!  You created Everything in it and every one of us belongs to You, including me.  You are the One who pushed back oceans to let the dry ground appear, planting firm foundations for the earth. In view of Your majesty, Who, then, is allowed to ascend the mountain of Yahweh? And who has the privilege of entering into the Father’s Holy Place? It is I, since I’ve been made clean—my works and ways are purified, my heart is truly Yours and sealed by Your truth.  I am not deceived, my words are sure. I will receive Yahweh’s blessing and righteousness given only by the Savior. I will stand before God, for I seek the pleasure of the face of my beautiful Savior.  

So wake up!  I am a living gateway who carries His authority! I lift up my head, me, a doorway of eternity! Welcome the King of Glory, for He is about to arrive here through me. I declare, “Who is this King of Glory?” He is the Great Yahweh, armed and ready for battle, our Champion, invincible in every way! So I rise up!  I am a living gateway who carries His authority and I rejoice! Fling wide those eternal doors to which I hold the secret to opening!  Here He comes:  it is Jesus! The King of Glory is ready to come in, to reign over my life in power! I declare,  “Who is this King of Glory?” He is Yahweh, armed and ready for battle, the Mighty One, the invincible commander and Champion of heaven’s hosts! Yes, He is the King of Glory! I bow my heart to surrender to Your great mercy, I command my spirit to receive Your provision, Your healing and Your Word with joy!

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“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

Hi friends!  I only speak for myself when I say that I’m a devout Christian who struggles with depression.  At the moment, I have 9 therapy sessions on my calendar over the next few months. “ TMI,” you say? I only tell you to encourage you that you are not alone.  

Depression seems to diminish my ability to hear the Father’s voice.  But wait… couldn’t it be that He just isn’t speaking and that’s why I don’t hear Him as much?  As much as I’d like to blame Him for deserting me in my time of need, well, been there done that with nothing good resulting.  No matter what I’m feeling or not feeling, hearing or not hearing, one thing I know is true:  GOD’S WORD.  And I choose to believe it despite my circumstances, in spite of emotions that frequently knock me down and threaten to drown me.  I cling as hard as I can to the l promise that He NEVER leaves me or forsakes me.  It’s a lifeline.  And even when I let go of the rope…I discover that He was the one doing all the holding.

Here’s my version of Psalm 23.  I hope you will speak it over your life today.

Jesus, You are my strong champion, my protector and defender.  No matter what comes my way, You are here, presently present, standing right beside me.  

You meet my every need in good time.  My need for rest, my need for strength, my need for health, my need for the peace only You can provide. 

Your love pursues my heart and overtakes me, restoring my confidence in You, and I remember that You are on my side.  

You keep me on Your path when I get distracted and try to disappear, not wanting to face my issues.  It’s Your love for me that motivates You to deal with them, because You love righteousness and You want to make my life a witness to those around me, and a testament to Your greatness and goodness.  

Even when it seems my life is over and there’s nothing left to do, You are with me.  I can choose to not be fearful but to hold Your hand and lean in.  You protect my heart as long as I stay hidden in You. You comfort me with the hope of eternity. 

When my enemies of fear and shame and guilt and sickness and depression and anxiety surround me, You are my champion and make me overcome them.  You call me into Your presence and feed me from Your Word.  What a bountiful buffet is there when I choose to partake of it!  Heal me today with Your precious Word… until my heart overflows!   Indeed, Your good mercy and great kindness go with me everywhere and I will live with You, walk beside you, and draw strength from You both now and forever. 

With joy,

Rhonda

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

 ”Jesus, you find so much beauty in us, your people! We are lovely sanctuaries of your presence.  Deep within us are these intense desires and daydreams of living in union with you. When I’m near you, my heart and my soul sing and worship with joyful songs of you, my true source and spring of life! O Jesus, my King and my God, even the sparrows and swallows are welcome to build a nest among your altars to raise their young. What pleasure fills us when we choose to live every day focused on you, as we worship in your presence! 

How enriched are we who find our strength in the Lord; within our hearts are the highways of holiness! Even when my path winds through the dark valley of tears, I can dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain. You give me  a brook of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring. I grow stronger and stronger with every step forward, and You, Jesus, will appear before me on the mountain. Hear my cry, O God of Jacob, listen to my loving prayer. God, I acknowledge that your wraparound presence is my only defense. In your kindness look upon the faces of your anointed ones. For just one day of intimacy with you is like a thousand days of joy rolled into one! I’d rather stand at the threshold in front of the Gate Beautiful, ready to go in and worship my God, than to live my life without you in the most beautiful palace of the wicked. For You, Lord God, are brighter than the brilliance of a sunrise! You Wrap  yourself around me like a shield, You are so generous with your gifts of grace and glory. Those who walk along your paths with integrity will never lack one thing we need, for You provide it all! With great excitement and faith, we choose faith and forever trust in you!“

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭84‬:‭1‬-‭12‬ ‭TPT‬‬