Ashlie Miller

By Ashlie Miller

This time of year inspires many writing prompts – harvest, the changing of leaves, reflections on shorter days and longer nights, to name a few. These beautiful images contrast with the prevalence of darker things that abound, from chaos across the globe to the tensions of election season. Some dark lessons are even closer. For me, a lesson awaited on a walk through a nearby neighborhood.

On the evening walk, I pass a home adding Halloween decor that becomes more gruesome each week. Another house warns of fictional danger with crime tape as though something tragic has occurred. Yet another wards off guests with a very creepy clown in a lurching position on the garage door. As unsettling as those can be, one home has gone the extra mile. Its display stops me in my tracks: a dozen skeletons dressed as fairy-tale princesses, missing any true signs of life. The girls are fooling no one (though they may horrify real toddling princesses).

It may seem laughable. “How silly,” we say, but it reflects a much bigger message. Fairy-tale promises lurk around every corner – stories of grander existence but lacking hope and life. Whispers of a better path, a more enlightened way.

Every day, we pass people on the street, work alongside them, or scroll through their social media posts, which seem to show well-lived lives. They fool us for a long time until a bombshell drops, exposing who they truly are or revealing they are not as happy as they present. We may be left feeling betrayed, confused, or deeply saddened. Perhaps the hope we placed in them and in the lives they portrayed has vanished.

We have to ask ourselves, “What is real life with true meaning, hope, and joy?”

Or maybe we are chasing a fairy-tale existence and trying to pass it off to others – or even to ourselves. Sure, from a distance, it looks like a dream come true. We know it’s a mirage, conjured in a dry desert of discouragement as we seek acceptance, try to impress others, or convince ourselves and others we can have everything we want while missing what truly brings fullness to life.

Scripture describes a significant difference between those who are alive in Christ and those who have not yet come to Christ on His terms. What makes a Christian so different from those who reject Christ? You may be able to come up with your own list based on anecdotal reflections or your personal experiences. Some may be valid observations, others based on prejudices. But what is the common standard across history and lands? Through Christ, believers receive spiritual life through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Scripture describes those apart from Christ as spiritually dead (Ephesians 2:1-5).  One truly has real life, and the other is just bare bones.

Thankfully, we don’t have to put out lawn displays that reflect the true nature of our spiritual lives, but if we did, would they look like skeletons in costume or more like a living nativity?

By Ashlie Miller

I am certain many of you can attest to being in a busy season. We are either taking children to sports practices and games or supporting the athlete. We attend or host birthday parties, fall festivals, or other season-specific events we can’t miss (tradition!). Maybe we help with church outreach or fellowship opportunities your church hosts. Perhaps you have to travel this time of year to close up a home for the winter or prep one for your winter snow-birding. Then, of course, the holidays will be here soon, so perhaps we should finish those house or garden projects, prep the house for decor, or start shopping for gifts.

Where is the rest in all of this? Once upon a time, families gathered on Sundays as part of their Sabbath/weekend rest. Now, many families opt for travel ball as their community, which, from everyone I’ve ever known in travel ball, is not restful. For others, Sundays are another day to get ahead of the work week, or wrap up what wasn’t completed.

Then, Monday comes, stubbornly and faithfully each week, and we work in recovery mode rather than restfully refreshed. It’s a bit like going on a trip, not a vacation, with small children, and then needing a week to recover! How many weeks until the next vacation?

This unsolicited topic of guiltless rest has come up frequently in recent conversations with ladies I know: A pastor’s wife relishing the Saturday movie she enjoyed at home – one she picked out, not her children (who were all surprised that mom liked picking out movies). A mom enjoying the late-in-life blessing of her 7-year-old daughter and choosing time at home with her rather than hiring a sitter so she could attend a party with other adults with whom she had little in common. A working mom enjoying an unexpected 3-hour nap on a Saturday when no sports or extended family activities were planned. These ladies each brought up the unapologetic delight of moments of rest and unwinding. I, too, have noted in my journal a couple of cozy afternoons uncluttered by projects and plans, where earned leisure was the agenda for the day.

Regardless of the season, we are busy people, but with the sacredness of Thanksgiving and Advent, it is important to prepare ahead of time. That goes beyond the table decor, as a dear friend recently reflected in conversation. Perhaps, if we put as much intention into entering the season with restful, welcoming hearts as we do in assembling beautiful fall foliage, candles, and pumpkins, our family and friends would be likewise refreshed.

We live in an age where we push back on the right kind of rest. Oh, sure, we all give each other permission to scroll endlessly on our phones, but do we feel rested after draining our hours and lives in that way? More often than not, honest reflection reveals we don’t feel refreshed and invigorated after those indulgences. Perhaps that is why we envision weekly rest as a guilty pleasure – we simply have had little experience cultivating those moments. And yet, the Creator of all good things Himself rested. He modeled what He knew we need – regular, routine rest for our spirits and an understanding that we depend on His provision by limiting our productive days.

Also, we say “yes” to too many good things (often fearing what we are missing out on or what we think is beneficial for our children or us) and can’t say “no” to such commitments. In the last 6-10 years, however,  “no” became easier to say – mostly to things that would build community or ask something of me beyond mere consumption. Often, the things that seemingly take from us are the very things that refresh our souls – being present to benefit the larger community.

The Christian Church provides rest in Christ and in honoring a Sunday Sabbath, while Judaism and Messianic Jewish tradition may honor the weekly Shabbat. A guilt-free rest from work. A recognition that the weekly day of rest is essential to our growth, glorifying God, and enjoying Him forever, which, after all, is the chief end of man.

What can you say “no” to so that you can say “yes” to good, regular, refreshing rest?

By Ashlie Miller

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers,” so says Anne Shirley, the spirited protagonist of Anne of Green Gables. I quite agree with her and hang decor with that quote in my dining room this time of year. There is so much to love about it if I make time to take note. Realistically, though, it is easy to become entirely wrapped up in the season’s opportunities, and overlook other gifts of the season.

Acorns are drawing my eye of late – oversized or diminutive nuts; scaly, smooth, or even hairy caps like jaunty hats; varying shades of green and brown. I usually snatch up a few the squirrels have missed to add whimsy to our homeschool table.

Isn’t it interesting how our eyes are drawn to notice particular things? When I look for something specific (sharks’ teeth or sea biscuits) while beach-combing, that’s all I can see, undoubtedly overlooking many other treasures.

Zoning in with intent to notice applies to more than nature walks.

Lately, I have been teaching ladies a class at a local YMCA on how to hear from God, based on the acronym HEAR: Highlighting, Explaining, Applying, and Responding to God’s Word as we read it. Most of us want to rush immediately to application, and if we do, we miss a vital part of learning.

Properly highlighting passages doesn’t get as much instruction as it should. Just look at any student’s textbook! When reading the Bible, we often rush to highlight an entire verse. Or maybe we feel guilty for not underlining a whole chapter when Jesus is speaking in one of the gospels.

Recently, my son and I road-tripped through the mountains in NC, Virginia, and West Virginia. Rushing around curves invites vertigo. Blazing through any part of a road trip can ruin it! You can miss details and beauty, make mistakes, or end up in a mess. Slow your roll! We should approach reading the Bible with a similar, slower pace.

What phrases am I overlooking? Do I see a pattern of words? What contrasts do I notice? Who is speaking? Who is the audience? Does the setting affect what I am reading?

Taking time to notice is important in our relationships, too. We’ve all heard that many of us listen to speak, not to hear, when engaged in a conversation. We may walk away feeling good about what we shared, but do we really know more about the person who shared with us? Are we surprised when we discover a friend or loved one is hurting or in trouble and has been for some time? Perhaps they were giving cues (verbal or otherwise), and we were too distracted to notice.

Noticing is foundational to enjoying what is around us, understanding what we believe, and knowing and loving others. It is often an overlooked art. We miss many details and beauty, make mistakes, and end up in a mess when we aren’t careful.

How can we better make time to take note in this busy season of life?

By Ashlie Miller

This week marked our family dog’s “Gotcha Day,” the day when we adopted our pup a few years ago. Unlike many families today, my friends and I mostly grew up with outdoor dogs – those hearty, full-of-energy guardians of the yard and outdoor playmates. When my husband and I decided it was time for our family to have a furry pet (as opposed to the small, scaly aquatic variety), we knew it could only be a dog and an outdoor one at that. Allergies and preferences helped make that decision, along with the thoughtful input of a veterinary friend.

It was instant puppy-love at first sight when we took our children to the animal shelter. The pup, however, wasn’t too sure about the 5 larger-than-life personalities surrounding him.

Although I am not a huge animal lover in general, this little critter won me over pretty easily – floppy ears, a timid but lovable disposition, and amber eyes filled with story and personality.

Bruno was decidedly his name. My suggestion won the vote over the 5 kids’ list of names like Pluto, Biscuit, Cinnamon Biscuit, and Butter. You know, names small children with no experience naming dogs would choose.

Once he adjusted to his new surroundings, the hound in him began to show itself with loud baying at various times of the day or night. Sometimes it was over something you’d expect – a chipmunk caught in the drainpipe; a raccoon up in a tree; possums maneuvering; a deer nibbling on the neighbors’ flowers. At other times, he could be going nuts over a frog, a cicada, or a bumblebee.

The children are convinced that Bruno is most endeared to me because I occasionally make chicken broth as a special treat. The reader should know he may not have a discerning palate, but I won’t go into detail about what we usually see him eating every day in the backyard.

He has been a loyal companion, accepting warm embraces or showers of tiny tears from those broken-hearted over the ills of this world (like being misunderstood by siblings). He, too, expresses hurt feelings over not being included in car rides, casually waiting at the top of the yard with his back turned in great offense, but then switching to a wagging tail signaling forgiveness once we enter his domain.

At times you will hear someone express frustration over Bruno destroying a toy or snatching a sock that shouldn’t have been left accessible. Once, he managed to sneak into the house and counter-surf his way to a pan of brownies, only to be caught red-pawed by one son, who then had to help him expel his ill-gotten dessert to keep him safe. Occasionally, there are impromptu seek-and-finds when he darts and dashes beyond his boundaries. At times, it’s enough to make us question our decision to own a dog.

But usually, those questions are drowned out by laughter and squeals of delight bouncing across the yard as the kids play with their backyard pal. In extreme seasons, he enjoys indoor visits with plenty of doting. There are lots of “What a good boy!” when he protects the yard from menacing creatures, and peaceful gatherings on cooler nights around the fire pit as our hound nuzzles his way in.

Lessons of unconditional love, patience, and even forgiveness. Moments of temporary sorrow and sympathy when he is suffering. He has taught us lessons that are sometimes best learned through having a pet while growing up. He’s a good boy.

Ashlie Miller makes broth for Bruno in Concord, NC. You can send “Gotcha Day” messages to mrs.ashliemiller@gmail.com, because Bruno isn’t on social media.

By Ashlie Miller

While many proclaim the joys of autumn, for others, the fall brings a sense of dread of living through dark, cold isolation. I can recall dreading the season when I lived in a house with fewer windows than I have now, feeling suffocated by the lack of light. 

While reading through the Gospel of John with our church in both large gatherings and small groups recently, I came to a scene of such darkness and hopelessness. I wonder if you can relate. 

It had been dark – not just that early morning, not just at midday a couple of days before – but in the atmosphere of the brothers, those who had followed closely. Though Jesus communicated that He would not be the political messiah or social justice warrior their people longed for to ease their pain, they still hoped there would be more. Mary Magdalene had also followed closely, watching the One who had forgiven her, radically changed her, and truly loved her give sight to the blind, heal the sick, and even raise the dead. Perhaps she had also hoped with wonder at this strange idea of a “the kingdom.” But no, all that was gone – brutally killed and buried. 

Wrecked with grief, she does the one thing she can to continue serving Jesus, going through the motions of ministering to Him, even if it were an empty charade now. It was still dark – at the tomb and in her spirit – but surely it could not get worse. Wait! The immovable rock sealing the tomb has been moved. Had someone arrived before her, stepping into the cherished role of caring for His body? NO! His body is missing! She runs to the disciples, hoping they can help her make sense of this tragedy upon a tragedy. As two of them have their own experience at the tomb, Mary is still perplexed, unable to understand it all now. Absorbed in tears that further cloud her mind and vision, she sits outside the grave, squinting to see men in white sitting in the tomb. One asks why she weeps. Choking down tears as she tries to call out His name, she can only say that she does not know who has taken her Lord and where they have laid Him. 

Then, another man, coming out from among the flowers, asks why the tears and for whom she is looking. Again, she pleads for answers so she can serve, the one thing that can bring her joy at this point. Then, with clarity, this gardener, this tender of the soil and growing, living things, says one simple word – “Mary.” The name was common enough during that time, but the One speaking it makes the difference. She knows that voice and realizes the speaker knows her. He is not dead! Hope is not lost! The darkest night and morning are over! Though gentle and lowly in heart, He is the mighty conquering victor over death and the grave! 

Things are very different now. No longer needlessly going through the motions of service, she can serve joyfully at promises fulfilled, hope and peace being present in a Person. 

It may seem odd to write about the resurrection in autumn. But in a season marked with things fading and a future glimpse of the coming season marked by little to no life, you may be painfully reminded of a personal season marked with much darkness, sadness, and loneliness. Your judgment is off. You want to believe what you know is true, but so much in your face screams otherwise. Tears are not cleansing – they are clouding. Take heart – the Lord sees and is not far off. Cry out those tears of honesty and frustration! He hears. He will call your name soon. Continue to serve. It may seem routine, but it is the best thing you can do now. Recall God’s past faithfulness to His promises.

However, remember the only way to recall what is true is to abide in the truth. God’s Word is that unchanging, life-giving Truth. 

Ashlie Miller is wife to Chad (a pastor in Charlotte) and homeschooling mom to five children in Concord, NC. You may contact her at ashliemiller.com. 

By Ashlie Miller

While my family eagerly awaits the cooler temperatures of fall and a slew of birthdays within several weeks of each other, one menacing bully lurking around the third week of September makes them shudder. Each year, this culprit subtly claims his territory, often shifting the blame to a fairly innocent bystander – ragweed, often confused with goldenrod.

Unlike the carpet of spring pollen, ragweed takes a more subtle approach, yet hits with intensity as it floats through the air and wrecks those it encounters. Naively, many leave windows open to welcome crisp morning breezes, and that is precisely when ragweed strikes. Symptoms pop up overnight without warning, but we know the pollen must have been waiting in the wings because it suddenly affects us.

I recently had conversations with young adults, asking them about spirituality and their beliefs about things beyond what they can see. As staunch materialists, they cannot fathom believing in something they cannot feel and measure. It could be easy to judge people with those beliefs, but I could also look at myself and wonder how often I don’t believe God is at work in my life or in the world when His work is not immediately visible to me.

Because I keep track of the supplements and medications we have needed from year to year, I try to prepare my family by having supplements and other care items on hand ahead of time. I encourage them to take specific supplements to get ahead of the issue. Some listen, and others take a little more risk. It is important to care for ourselves now, before the things we anticipate arrive.

The same is true of our spiritual lives. How many times do we wait until we are spiritually depleted before we call out to God? We often do not think to ask God for wisdom until we are overwhelmed by decisions. Do we wait until we are hurting and needy before we open a Bible or attend church? Do we see the gifts of prayer, scripture, and church as only for emergencies and when our life is falling apart? It does not have to be, nor should it be that way.

Despite our best efforts to keep doors and windows closed, change our clothes (sometimes multiple times) throughout the day, or shower at the end of the day, we cannot fully control or prevent the impact of the tiny pollen that invades our air. We still have to live our lives. We want to enjoy the fire pit in the backyard, outdoor playdates with friends, and jumping in piles of leaves. We just have to be smart about it.

The same is true of the environment and culture that surrounds us. Although many messages are loud and obvious enough to avoid, others subtly creep in to distract us and bring fear, unwanted opinions, damaging messages, and values inconsistent with ours. If we are not careful, we end up breathing in these seemingly insignificant influences which can eventually take over our lives. While we still cannot control the environment or even isolate ourselves from it, we can insulate ourselves against it.

Allergy season is upon us, whether you anticipated it like my family or whether it seems like an annual surprise. We know it is here by what we experience and how it affects us. We can prepare ahead of time if we take the time to notice the effects of subtle messages trying to invade our spirits. We do not have to be caught by surprise or poorly prepared. We can still live and move in the world without being overtaken by it, but we have to abide in the truth of Scripture, prayer, and godly fellowship. How are you preparing now for what lies ahead in your life?

By Ashlie Miller

Twenty-five years. 9/11 has literally been a lifetime for some who are too young to remember. It continues to affect the lives of many survivors; many are still losing loved ones or coworkers to delayed-onset illnesses or cancers.

Like you, I remember where I was as I watched the tragic events unfold on live TV. I was not supposed to be home that late in the morning; however, a rough evening the night before delayed my getting started. I actually can remember 9/10 because of what happened on 9/11. The details are unnecessary, but a personal crisis on 9/10 rocked my little 24-year-old world. I thought I was losing control of all that was within my grasp. My own security and structure. My plans. Was my world slipping away from me?

I woke up the next day to see what everyone else saw. Yes, the world everyone shared was still there, yet it didn’t seem like it would stay that way. Was the world slipping away from us? Were our eyes and hearts meant to take in all that we were seeing in real time?

The weeks following were filled with many emotions. After the uncertainty of “what is actually unfolding?”, the feelings of confusion, anger, sadness, and even despair, many Americans had strong resolve – to keep the enemy from destroying our way of life and live it as it should be lived, with rhythms of normalcy and even laughter. Americans putting their own lives at risk, helping strangers, rallying communities, and later sharing healing laughter showed me what resilience can look like.

While we as a nation were figuring out how to survive what would surely defeat our morale, I was also learning to move past a major trial as a young adult who had not yet experienced that personal level of seeming despair. Watching the towers fall challenged and changed what I would consider a crisis. No, God did not take away the things that threatened my security in that moment. Rather, He began to teach me where my security really was: He was my security. My soul was still secure. I could weather any storm with Him, because of Him. The odds before me were not insurmountable. God used 9/10 and 9/11 to teach me to lean in – closer to both Jesus and my husband; everything else was too shaky.

God taught me that my systems of supposed security did not have to be in place for me to be ok. Once my personal neediness was fully exposed and submitted to God, there was not much left to hide. I could be honest about my feelings of despair and frustration, and like a child, expect Him lovingly to carry me through – no one else could. September 11 showed us that survival still has many more stories beyond the pain, and twenty-five years have provided a long season to foster growth, dependence, and trust.

Looking back, I can see that insurmountable odds also exposed how deeply I needed to fully trust my loving Father more than having everything securely in place myself. In 25 years, I’ve still been learning the lesson. Our world may shake tomorrow, or maybe just my own little world. But the psalmist reminds us (see Psalm 46) that God is our refuge and strength.

By Ashlie Miller

I saw it on Monday, the last day of August. I was out on a very early morning walk, and as I approached the neighborhood entrance, fallen leaves of gold adorned the path. I instantly felt a slight, brisk chill despite the early-morning humidity. You’ve likely seen signs of autumn coming as well – acorns or walnuts on the ground or maybe your local barista’s fall menu – without needing to look at your calendar.

In North Carolina, however, we know not to set our hopes up too high. Fall may begin September 22, but Carolinians understand we will likely have a cooler week before that date and still welcome fall with 85 degrees or higher. It’s just the way it is here – still too early to put out real pumpkins. That won’t stop many from preparing, though. Maybe you have already grabbed that first PSL (pumpkin-spiced latte) of the season. Perhaps you plan to put away those summer white skirts and pants. Others will continue living a North Carolina extended summer for 6-8 more weeks with no thoughts or interest in the changing season.

Also, this week, I was reminded of a passage in Matthew 24 where Jesus is preparing His disciples for His departure from them. They had questions about eschatology – the study of end-time things. Picture the kid in the back seat continually asking, “Are we there yet?” They wanted to be sure they would not miss it…or HIM! A fair question, considering the many turn-the-world-upside-down things that Jesus had been teaching them.

He assured them that no man would know the day nor the hour of His return. People would continue to live their lives, unalarmed, just like people were doing during the days of Noah – that time the earth literally was turned upside down in a global flood.

I thought about that phrase “in the days of Noah.” Like any preschooler who attends church or has ever been in a nursery, the first image you probably envision at the mention of his name is the ark that Noah built. If you have seen the replica in Kentucky, you know how large the original vessel was. It was not easy to miss. Depending on the theologian you follow, the building of the boat took anywhere from 50 to 120 years! Again, word would have gotten around – not an easy project to miss. Yet, somehow, they did miss it – the message. They continued living their hedonistic lives, knowing full well what Noah was up to. They mocked him for it or willfully chose to ignore him – until it was too late.

That is what the coming of Jesus will be like. Many world events indicate that the stage has been set maybe for quite some time. Sometimes it is as evident as a massive boat under construction for almost a lifetime. Jesus’ soon coming is, well, sooner than it was before. There are warnings and calls for repentance, but we continue living complacently or willfully choosing to reject or mock the warnings.

Do we really need to know the date of Christ’s return to know that He will? We still live ordinary lives, but perhaps we should live them differently, knowing something extraordinary is coming. Can we ignore the evidence of a coming season because we do not know its arrival? The signs of a season do not announce a date, but they do tell us a change is coming, whether we are ready for it or not. Are you?

By Ashlie Miller

Whether you think Heaven got a little sweeter or the earth a little sadder since Dolly Parton died last week, you are among many other like-minded people. Maybe you were a huge fan of almost every aspect of her life. Maybe, like me, you didn’t follow her music or keep up with much of her life. I did respect the work she did for her Tennessee community and that she seemed to put her money where her mouth was. She also enabled many homes to encourage literacy among children with her Dolly Parton Imagination Library, where children under the age of 5 receive a free book monthly. My own family benefited from building our little library for a few of my children. We still love family read-alouds!

Perhaps you have more intimate stories. I was amazed by how many of my friends had personal encounters with her, either working with her, for her, or getting to meet her in some way that impacted them. That certainly changes the way you respond to this great loss.

I have younger friends who often respond with very heavy hearts when there are deaths of public figures. It isn’t that they are necessarily devotees of the celebrity or national leader. Sometimes, they confess they are not even sure why they feel the loss so profoundly. Maybe it is, in part, because in the last 25 years, much of their life has been engulfed by large, national tragedies. With our instant access to news (usually bad), loss and tragedy are part of our daily lives. We hurt more because we know more.

My husband and I have found great solace in a book entitled “Every Moment Holy, Volume II: Death, Grief, and Hope.” In it, Douglas Kaine McKelvey offers liturgies for seasons of death, dying, and grief. It has been a source of immense help and encouragement to us personally and in sharing with others. His liturgy: “Lamenting the Passing of a Public Figure” provides some insight as to why deaths such as Dolly’s impact us so deeply:

* We have access to so much of their life, and they seem more familiar to us than they truly are. Dolly was known for making time for people, even at risk of her own health and safety at times.

* These passings stir our emotions in memory or anticipation of deaths closer to us. Loss was not meant to be a part of the life that our Creator intended for us in His original design. Death was not supposed just to be part of life. We may not realize it in the moment, but our heart is resonating with a greater sadness of what life was supposed to be – immortal enjoyment of God.

* Although every life is of equal worth in the eye of the Creator, we may notice the loss as a whole community differently. Their presence was big on earth; the hole left seems enormous. Dolly may have been petite, but she was a big personality and was generous in many ways. That will certainly be felt for some time to come. For some, that hole feels more personal because of other attachments. Perhaps Dolly encouraged, inspired, or helped you through dark times. Maybe God allowed her to be a conduit for His Grace and Mercy in your life.

What now? As with any death, we learn to live with grief. Perhaps, though, we can see in this sadness what God was trying to teach us through someone: He has image-bearers on earth to show us beauty, creativity, and glimpses into His character or even His message (no matter how flawed the individual may have been). He is teaching us about love, and also that loss was not His original plan. But even His created image-bearers have an end date. Hope found in temporal things or beings is…well…temporal. He has an even GREATER Hope and Peace found in Jesus – the One who will never fade or end.

I pray you find this hope.

Ashlie Miller and her family live in Concord, NC. You can contact her at mrs.ashliemiller@gmail.com.

Photo by Ashlie’s son!!!

By Ashlie Miller

Photos and videos of families dropping off children at college have filled my social media feed in August. Family and friends made treks to colleges near and far, tools in hand, supplies being stocked, beds and desks being assembled. There are smiles and hugs but also tears.

While releasing our children can bring bittersweet tears, tears are not necessarily the only measure of love. The heartache of this moment does not look the same for each family.

Some families rejoice in new chapters as they see their children spread their wings, while also mourning their empty nest. Perhaps the child contributed joyfully to the environment of the home. Their absence in the daily routine will be greatly felt.

Other families are almost paralyzed without their children at home. Sometimes a parent’s identity is wrapped in parenting for 18 years. While children are finding themselves at college, parents are wondering if they have to start all over, finding themselves as well.

Still, for other families, the feelings may be things they do not want to say out loud. There is a sense of guilt in being glad at the release. Maybe, like some birds that leave the nest, they dirty the nest in the months and weeks leading up to departure. “Why has she or he been acting so distant? Why is our relationship strained when it wasn’t before?” Some argue that this is a defense mechanism as these young spirits are anticipating change that they may not even be fully ready for. Others have been dirtying the nest for years – rebellion, loss of love, confusion. Many things can put a strain on relationships despite a parent’s best efforts to provide a loving environment.

Wherever you find yourself in these scenarios, here is some encouragement:

* Your child does not have to navigate this new season alone. The children of Israel were encouraged that their God would go before them as they entered the Promised Land, facing insurmountable odds. He would not leave or forsake them (see Deuteronomy 31:8). God cares for your child (and you!) as well. We can entrust our children to their Creator’s care for their physical and spiritual well-being.

* If you’re uncertain (like many parents) that you did enough to prepare them for all that is ahead of them, recall how God was faithful to His people in the Old Testament during their distressing time of exile. Through raging waters and fiery trials, He was with them (see Isaiah 43:2). We, too, are often unprepared for hard times. We can pray our students will lean into the One who loves them and can protect and direct them. (See Psalm 121 for more encouragement.)

* For those whose goodbyes were marred by a dirty-nest departure, you do not have to feel guilty about feeling peace when your child is gone for a season. Just as Jesus left His disciples with a declaration of leaving His peace with them upon His departure, He can do the same for you, even in the midst of strained relationships. He can even do the same for your child. Pray that they will know that Peace is a Person.