Columns

By Ashlie Miller

“Do you ever feel lonely?” “Are you wiped out after connecting with people each week?” “Do you have to wear a mask? Do you get to be your authentic self?” “What do you do for the church?” These are some of the questions I’ve received in my role as a pastor/church-planter’s wife. I had many of the same questions (that I never asked) growing up in church and serving in different churches over time. 

Many know about Pastor Appreciation Month in October, and often that extends to his whole family. But I never really knew about a National Pastor’s Spouse Appreciation Day (it just so happens to be this first Sunday of September) or the whole month with them in mind (in March) until the last couple of years. 

These wives are pretty special, and I’m humbled and honored to serve in this way as well. I cannot speak for all of them. Just as each pastor is unique, so are their wives. There’s not one personality or qualification that is cookie-cutter. Here are some ways we may differ and other things we have in common:

She may have dreamed all her life of being a wife to one in ministry. 

She may have never imagined that she could or would be the wife of one in ministry. 

If her husband takes the pastorate of an established congregation, she may be welcome to serve in a way she feels called. Or she may be serving a congregation that presumes that she is a second, unpaid employee who will also fulfill various roles, such as leading a group or ministry or playing the organ. My husband has said he never married a pastor’s wife. That was not and is not my identity. He also never has had a specific expectation of my role in serving the church, which frees me to serve in the only way that is unique to me alone – to provide solace for our family. That benefits our entire church community.

She may be extroverted and thrive on social interactions, and be able to talk to anyone, but is working on the sanctification process of not being a people-pleaser. She may be introverted and able to go deep in spiritual and emotional discussions, but is working through her own sanctification process of being comfortable around large groups or initiating small talk. 

She is often at her best when she is discerning, able to listen to others and give counsel, flexible in her schedule due to demands of ministry, but also able to be a gatekeeper appropriately when needed, and embracing of hospitality.

She is human. 

She has her own struggles, obstacles, temptations, needs, and process of sanctification. She may feel lonely at times as she sees the distance brought by others who view her as more than something she is. She may trust in God but struggle to trust her cares and concerns to others. Her circle of acquaintances may be broad, but of friends, small. You likely think more of her than she deserves. You likely think less of her than she deserves. And I’ve been guilty of both.

The pastor’s wife you are thinking about may be many of these things or very different. The one common thing – these sisters all need prayers and encouragement from loving members of the congregation. And that you can do any day or month of the year.

Ashlie Miller is wife to Pastor Chad Miller of Mission Bible Church in the University City area. You may email her at mrs.ashliemiller@gmail.com.

By Ashlie Miller

Last week, many headed to their favorite coffee spot for a PSL (pumpkin-spiced latte). Pumpkins are already beginning to adorn steps, doorways, and windows, creating scenes straight out of a Gilmore Girls episode. Pumpkins may be the fruit of the season. Not so fast! For me, the fruit of the season is the fig. It is still late summer, after all. I have had an affinity for figs since childhood. Summers at my grandparents were crowned with their fig bushes bursting with bounty. I love the crunchy, seedy texture. As a child, I ate them straight off the bush. Now, with my more refined taste, they adorn toast garnished with goat cheese and honey. Ok, maybe not that refined. Last week’s “toast” was leftover hotdog buns, but in my mind, they were French baguettes. 

Fig trees were a topic of discussion between my daughter and me last week as we were reading through the New Testament. “Mom, what is this about the fig tree that Jesus cursed?” she asked. Well, let’s go to the beginning – Genesis, to be exact. 

After the Fall of humanity – when Adam and Eve both ate the forbidden fruit – they realized their nakedness and were filled with shame. Consequently, they covered themselves with fig leaves that they had sewn together, but it was not enough. God had to make them garments of skin, meaning something had to die to clothe them. Manmade efforts were inadequate; God had to intervene through a sacrifice. 

Throughout the Old Testament, fig trees symbolize prosperity, peace, fruitfulness, and even Israel. In the New Testament, Jesus confronts opposing Jews, sometimes through direct encounters, while at other times it would be through parables. Occasionally, though, He would use an object lesson. In the Parable of the Fig Tree (Luke 13:6-9), Jesus tells a story of a fig tree that is barren for three years. The vinedresser says it should be dug up or cut down if irrigation and fertilizer do not help. 

Later, Jesus curses a fig tree that only has leaves. Although it was not the season yet for ripened figs, this early-blooming leafy tree should have already been filling out with figs. He curses this tree so that it never bears fruit again. A day later, Peter sees it and is amazed that it is already withered. 

What gives? The initial observation is that God values fruitfulness. We are to bear fruit as Christians. In fact, the evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives is called “fruit.” Professing Christians can too often be merely consumers and not contributors to the Kingdom of God. We can look impressive and religious but have no evidence of the Holy Spirit. 

The fig tree can also represent the Law (commandments) given by God, and that Israel was meant to be a conduit for God’s love reaching the world. But over time (and not a long time at that), they failed. A focus on what one could do to inherit eternal life (see the rich young ruler) took precedence over a relationship with God. Self-made efforts and keeping laws to cover sin and look religious were found to be inadequate. Jesus’ earthly ministry of three years was to first present the gospel to Israel. They refused. They wanted more miracles and signs (but not on the Sabbath!), more rules, and more to consume. But Jesus came with a better, complete plan. He fulfilled the Law and provided the only way to inherit eternal life – for all people. The unfruitful fig tree, the channel that stopped short, was no longer necessary or useful. 

My figs and honey remind me of the sweetness of the Law – showing us where we are imperfect and need a Savior.  They also let me know that fall is just around the corner.