By Ashlie Miller
February can be a dreary month. To brighten things, each February, my children set out small, tin mailboxes in hopes that some cheer will greet them each morning leading up to Valentine’s Day. Often it’s a small note, an edible treat, or maybe a token of a gift. Little Debbie heart-shaped snacks are always a welcome treat, particularly after the coveted Christmas tree cakes.
After picking up a box recently from a local grocery store, I came home, opened the box, and emptied the contents. To my surprise, out came 4 packets of Great Value grits (not even the same house-brand as this store!) and three packets of fruit snacks. I was so confused, I looked again at the front of the box as the contents were making their way out. This was followed by suspicion – had someone returned this box? This led to creating narratives – was this a result of a prank? Or maybe the giver thought grits and fruit snacks would speak greater volumes of love to someone who doesn’t actually like the snack cakes.
Not being able to let anything just be, my mind thought of the lesson to learn from this odd illustration. Valentine’s Day marketing has done love a disservice in many ways. The expectation is that love is sweet, rich, decadent….impractical. While I don’t suggest that a husband buy his wife a vacuum or most other household appliances as a Valentine’s Day gift, acts of service really can speak volumes of love, sometimes more loudly than another box of chocolates. As children grow into independent adults, they often no longer have a long list of things they want but rather are truly delighted by thoughtful gifts of provision and care. Gifts that sustain and nourish us (like grits instead of snack cakes) can often forge deeper intimacy than those that only momentarily satisfy.
Sometimes God works this way, too. He loves too deeply to settle for only providing us momentary happiness. That is not to say that He NEVER grants us small, trivial delights. But more often than not, because He sees what we cannot and even knows us better than we admit to know about ourselves, His gifts more completely nourish and sustain us. He quenches our thirst; He fills our hunger. Sometimes what He gives us doesn’t match our expectations of His love – If He really loves me, why did He allow ___________ in my life? Sometimes our disappointment is so profound that we fail to appreciate what is before us and only lament what we did not receive.
As an imperfect parent, I can sometimes focus on finding gifts that tickle their fancy or that I think they will like. It is easy to forget that showing love through practical, nourishing gifts can express a great deal of love, which hopefully will be well-received.
I did not keep this false box of snack cakes. I wanted to provide something I knew my kids would enjoy (although they do like grits that I make and enjoy an occasional fruit snack). There is definitely a time and season for a frivolous sort of love. But hopefully I won’t forget the lesson that the most nourishing love does not always come in the most attractive packaging.
Ashlie Miller is blessed by several little valentines and her main Valentine in Concord, NC. You can email her at mrs.ashliemiller@gmail.com.
