Rhonda Sassano

By Rhonda Sassano

Secret Place

I died nearly 8 years ago.  I was at home when I had a major cardiac event, and I literally dropped dead. My family was home, and did their best to revive me, but with no success, they called the EMTs who shocked me back no less than five times. When I was finally stable enough to be transported to the hospital, of course, I went straight to the ICU. After many tests and procedures, no one seem to know what had happened exactly, or even why if it happened. And in the weeks and months that followed, I underwent more tests to determine what had gone wrong and how it could be prevented in the future. But at the six month mark, the doctors determined that I was completely healthy, completely normal, and took me off all eight medications I had been placed on.  Now, nearly 8 years later, I never even think about it; I just expect to be healthy, normal, and functioning properly.

Thursday, this past week, I had an appointment for a pre-op consultation. I need to undergo a simple procedure that many women my age endure. The doctor performing the consultation asked me about the cardiac event from eight years ago. I related to him the basics, and that I hadn’t had any trouble since and that I was on no medication. He did a brief EKG, drew some blood, and expressed concern with the upcoming surgery.  He insisted I visit the  original cardiologist for clearance before proceeding with surgery. When I seem nonplussed and unconvinced, he pulled up some documents on his computer and highlighted a few sentences there. He invited me over to the screen and read them out loud to me. The sentences stated that a couple key issues were present and were the cause of the heart attack. Also, the bloodwork revealed that another issue is currently present and could also present challenges for the surgery and beyond. 

As you can imagine, I was shocked, and devastated is not too strong a word, and very annoyed that the original cardiologist had not relayed this information to my husband and myself. And on my way home, I found myself an emotional mess. I found myself struggling to continue to believe that I had been 100% healed. I heard myself say out loud: “I do not believe the report of the doctor. I believe the word of the Lord. I have been healthy, normal with a perfectly functioning heart for the last eight years… Why should now be any different?” And then I realized that water retention is another symptom of a heart that isn’t pumping correctly…. Oooh.  “Okay Father, you have my attention.”  But for the rest of the day and the next, I felt… vulnerable.  Let down.  Doubt and belief literally warred in my thoughts and spirit.  And yes.  Depression was there, too, to put in his two cents. That neglected blob (who was well-contained a couple articles ago) was back with a vengeance.  Like a demented wizard, he swirled his fingers through my emotions, churning them up and daring me to let the dam break.  

At some point, I said aloud, “I’m not giving in.  I’m not going back there.  I will honor the Lord even with my response to this news, and even while I am completely alone.  He is worthy of my trust, regardless of the report, regardless of the prognosis. The least I can do is give Him glory for His past healing and claim it again for my future.”  You’d think the waves would’ve calmed down then, right?  Sorry, no.  My words do have power, but not like His!  So I began to quote Ps 91 “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”  I stopped to muse about it. How do I dwell in the secret place?  Where IS the secret place? How do I find it and how do I stay there?  And is it a secret place or a secret place? As the emotions swelled with longing, tears coursed down my cheeks.  “Father,” I whispered, “that is all I want. I want your secret place to be mine, too.  You invite me to it, right here, but I don’t know how to get there.”  And I thought about the disciples questioning Jesus with where He was going and why they couldn’t follow Him there… Jesus’ gentle reply soothed my heart, “You know the way.”  I took a deep breath.  The challenge had been presented… “Father, you want me to ask you what you want to say to me. But I don’t want to, because I’m afraid of the answer.  And that makes no sense because you are always good, You’ve never made a mistake with me, so why I am so hesitant? But I want to know your heart. So I ask you, Father, what do you want to say to me?” 

“My precious Rhonda, my darling daughter!  I love you SO crazy much!  You are worth the life of my very own only Son.. what else would I not give you for the asking?  I know this is tough.  Really tough! But you can DO it, you can handle it or I wouldn’t have put it on you.  But don’t take on the burden of provision. That is MY job.  You just do the next thing and be faithful to ask and obey.  That’s all!  I won’t let you fall. I won’t forsake you.  I won’t torture you by hiding.  I’m HERE.  Always present, closer than close.  Your  very breath! And your sacrifice of worship thrills me and blesses me and I literally dance with joy over you when you come in your sorrow and doubts and misgivings…. I don’t judge you for them.  I see them; I know them.  I’m so very proud of you for acknowledging them and believing me anyway.”  Sobbing with relief, I cried, “I believe, Father, help my unbelief.”

An alarm on my phone sounded loudly and with a rush, reality took over:  time to clock in to work! I dried my face and breezed by the parents and clients in the lobby, hoping for zero interactions.  “Thank you, Lord,” I breathed as the hallway door closed behind me. 10 minutes later, child in hand, another alarm went off, this time a reminder to be grateful, to be content with now.  I focused my heart and tried to repeat the words with depth and meaning.  Feeling nothing, I silenced the alarm.  All day, every hour, similar alarms reminded me to “be grateful, be content with now.” I wondered if my diligence would result in any fruit at all.  I slept fitfully that night. 

Saturday morning dawned. I awoke praying in the Spirit.  Gratefulness swept through my soul.  “I guess I’m going to be ok!” I looked around for Blob (the depression.  See my article “A long time coming”)  Still in his plexiglass box, he was now small and wimpy, very un-threatening! “Thank you that Your Word is true, even if it takes some patience…” 

So life goes on.  According to the doctor, my heart isn’t working at 100%.  I acknowledge the facts.  But the truth is different than the facts. According to the Word, my heart beats at the command of my Father!  And every day that I’m alive and have energy to do the things in front of me is a day that I’ve experienced healing!  I had a measure of faith eight years ago, for an instant, miraculous healing.  Now I need a bigger faith to believe for healing every day, to hear the doctor’s report and let it impact my actions toward a healthier lifestyle without allowing  it to decrease my faith in His ability and willingness to provide health and even healing.  And yes, I still sense the tension between belief and unbelief.  It’s a tightrope walk, for sure! But the tightrope is in the secret place.  And that’s all I want. 

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

“When I turned to see who was speaking to me, I saw seven gold lampstands. And standing in the middle of the lampstands was someone like the Son of Man. He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest. His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And his eyes were like flames of fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves. He held seven stars in his right hand, and a sharp two-edged sword came from his mouth. And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as if I were dead. But he laid his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last. I am the living one. I died, but look—I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave.”

This is no allegory, peeps.  This is J E S U S, the King of all Kings, the Lord above all Lords!  The Great I Am is He, Maker and Creator of all things, and He holds it all together by His Word! This is One who wants to be close to me, an insignificant, broken, scraggly  worm.  But His love covers me; His presence fills me; His breath “lives” me!  How can I possibly withhold my heart from Him, or scorn His extended hand that wants only to embrace and heal and comfort? 

Holy Spirit, we are so moved by you. We hardly even know what to say, or how to pray! I know that my heart longs for you. I long to know you in a deeper way than I have before. I long to be more aware of your constant presence, not just every day, but every single moment , you are here… You are with me… You hold my hand. And you are holding it right now. You said to come to you, Jesus and you would give me rest whenI  choose your yoke. So right now I lay down the yoke that I am carrying, the worry about finances, The concern over difficult relationships, the need for better health, The very deep need for comfort in time of grief and uncertainty. I lay down the fire of my own dreams and desires.  I want what you want, and the pieces of my heart that are too selfish to want Your will over my own, Father, I declare that I want those wayward pieces to want Your way, too. 

So I lay my heart on the altar right now I hand it over to you; it’s not even a sacrifice because I know that I can trust you. I know that you are for me and never against me. I know that your heart, no matter what I am facing, no matter what circumstances surround me, no matter the challenges that I have been through or are yet to come, Your heart is to draw me into you, to bring me closer.  All the issues are opportunities for you to prove your love and your faithfulness to me an opportunity to give you glory in the way I hang onto you through every storm and every desert and every crushing.  you’re the only thing that matters.  I want you more than anything.  you have my heart. I give over my mind to you and my body as well. Holy spirit, have your way in every nuance of my being. I command my heart to hear the word of God today, I command my spirit to receive it with joy and faith, so that all the mountains can be moved and I can embrace your ways to my full capacity.  I pray, and I know You hear me and will answer my prayer. In Jesus name.

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

Matt 11:28-30 

Jesus, You said, “Come to me, (your name here,) you who are tired, exhausted, ready to give up because your burden is weighty, cumbersome, heavier than you can shoulder. Come to Me and I will give you rest.  Leave your burden here.  Give it to me.  I will carry it. Surrender all the worries and anxieties.  Tell fear to get out.  I am Your Hero.        

 When you make Me your priority and push aside all the distractions, you can hear My whisper.  Under all the voices that clamor for your attention, listen for Me. I will teach you.  Let Me teach you. I am humble; I wait for you to notice Me.  I am gentle and My heart knows you and loves you. There is rest to be found for your soul.  Rest is right here, at My feet.  In My presence. Like a well spring at your feet that rises and immerses you.  My words are life and breath for your spirit. SOAK in them. Soak them IN. They bring health and wholeness to your body and to your mind.  Choose My yoke.  Choose My words. Choose My way. My way is fulfillment.  Purpose.  Meaning.  Light.  No condemnation.  No expectations or guilt.  I give you ability and strength and creativity to accomplish all that really needs accomplishing.  In my perfect instructions, your spirit will revive and be refreshed in obedience.”

 I receive Your Words to me today, sweetest Jesus.  Speak to my heart and I will listen and obey.  

With joy, 

Rhonda 

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

A Long Time Coming

Yesterday, I was out for a walk with my baby granddaughter.  It was a beautiful day and we were traveling along the Greenway, a trail that runs alongside a shallow waterway that is marshy at points and occasionally deepens into a little brook that gurgles and splashes.  My thoughts turned to all the changes that are occurring in my life right now.  There’s a bunch!  And changes are challenging enough by themselves; add depression to the mix and ka-POW, we might have a situation!  But with a little startle, I realized I hadn’t felt ‘depressed’ in a couple weeks.  Had it really been that long, I wondered?  Maybe more like a few days in a row?  But no, as I thought back over the last 21 days, the truth was that I had NOT had any sense of desperation, any hopelessness, any thoughts of suicide.  Although I had wanted to give into the urge to ‘call someone’ and just cry a few times, those passed when I chose to focus on the Lord being all I needed, reminding myself, even propelling, my thoughts to His love and care for me. 

What had made the difference, I mused.  All my situations were the same or worse.  All the changes were still moving towards me at an alarming pace. I had no more answers than before.  There was only more … comfort, more strength.  More determination to “do it right this time.”  I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what was the hinge point, what started the turnaround.  A children’s song came to mind, “We’re following the leader.”  I started to sing it softly, and the words began to rewrite themselves in my heart.  Soon, it was this:  “I’m following the Shepherd, the Shepherd, the Shepherd.  I’m following the Shepherd, wherever He may lead.”  And the next verse went like this:  “When I don’t know what’s happening, what’s happening, what’s happening.  When I don’t know what’s happening, I will trust in Him.”  Now the tears started.  And a third verse came with a little struggle, “When I can’t see around the bend, around the bend, around the bend.  When I can’t see around the bend, His hand is holding me.”  And then my heart was straining to express all my gratefulness for His faithfulness!  I certainly hadn’t made it easy for Him to love me these last several months, and I’m positive He waited in vain for me so many times to just hand Him my heart!   (And the last verse I have forgotten, but it ended with “my trust in Him will be.”  Yes, more tears 😉

But the song, affirming though it was, didn’t answer my question.  I decided the answer would come in time, and it did. 

About two months ago, my therapist told me she couldn’t see me anymore.  Apparently, her company had made some changes and some clients were being … pushed out.  I had already been waiting for two weeks for an appointment when she notified me of the change.  I was NOT happy about this one bit!  But having zero choice and zero options, I turned to the Lord.  It was in a very desperate moment that a very big “hinge point” happened.  It was not realized at the time, but looking back, with the Holy Spirit’s nudge, I can see it now.  What was it?  I decided to lay on the altar and be still.  I put reminders in my phone, every waking hour, that read “IAFNIWFNIACWN”  What in the world???  (Sorry!  I love acronyms, and my phone is easily seen by everyone in my family, so… ;-D)

It stands for this “I ask for nothing I want for nothing I am content with now.”

The searing pain that gripped my heart every time those alarms went off!  But I diligently repeated the phrase over and over again. Not just at the reminders, but every time I wanted to buy something I couldn’t afford at the moment.  Every time I longed for my own house.  Every time I missed a friend I couldn’t go and visit.  Every time I wanted to spend more time with my daughter or my grandbaby.  Every time my wake-up alarm declared “Get ready for work” and every time I didn’t have opportunity to create or meditate or do any of the things that are helpful at keeping depression from taking over.  

After about 4 or 5 weeks of “IAFNIWFNIACWN,” at a new revelation, it became “IAGFNIWNEIACWN.”  “I am grateful for now, I want nothing else, I am content with now.”  I made it a point to stop and focus my heart on these words, a paraphrase of “in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” This phrase, in particular I think, propelled me forward onto a new platform of strength and joy.  I know for certain that the determination to keep doing it, to maintain the push, was not my own.  Just like the Holy Spirit overtook my own spirit in an extreme moment of deepest hopelessness, He had overtaken it consistently and gave me the wherewithal, if not the desire, to press into these prayers. 

Know what?  Prayer works.  Scripture works.  It took some time, and I didn’t even notice the change… but when I found seeds of truth, I planted them instead of throwing them out because they didn’t fit what I felt.  And listening to the Holy Spirit, I kept them watered and pulled the weeds and moved them out of the extreme heat, and basically put in the work.  Now, a mere handful of weeks later, I’m living a harvest of peace, joy, and strength I didn’t know were available to me.  AND I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL! 

No.  Joy and peace and strength do not fix everything.  Staying on the altar doesn’t either.  But there is an…  an unexpected fulfillment in complete surrender.  Hard to explain, but not hard to sense. 

So in the realization that depression wasn’t taking me over any longer, I cautiously looked around for it.  I saw it, over in the corner, kinda trying to hide.  A small blob of dirty goo.  As I stared at it, the blob started to inch a little closer.  I quickly looked away!  Glancing back, the blob had ceased to move.  Whew!  Ignoring it works!  But I knew I needed to think about it. 

I asked the Holy Spirit to help me figure out how to keep it small, to the side, NOT in control.  Not ever again.   Gratefulness came to mind.  Relationships.  I could see walls of plexiglass starting to surround the blob.  Creativity.  Meditation.  Those formed the other walls and now the blob was completely encased.  The plexiglass is not perfectly transparent, and the more layers I add, the less the transparency.  So I will be added more layers until the blob is completely concealed!  

Except for the top.  “What about the top?” I asked the Holy Spirit.  “No, no top,” He said.  “You can still reach in anytime.”  But Blob can’t get out without your help.”  Woah.  “You mean…” I started.  “Yup.  If you keep doing what you’re doing:  ignore it, declare gratefulness, pursue relationships, make time for creativity even in a small way, and spend time with Me, Blob will never have power over you again.”  Emotion started to rise, and then abruptly stopped when I acknowledged the weight of this responsibility.  “Is this healing?  I always thought healing came from You, Lord, not from me.”  And then I knew.  Not one good thing that is in me is from me.  Every good thing, and I mean EVERY good thing in me is from HIM.  And I receive it with joy and gratefulness.  Blob, you might always be a “thorn in the flesh,” but His grace is sufficient (to keep it a reminder and not a controlling factor,) to maintain my focus on Jesus, on Who He is, on who I am IN Him and because of Him.  I can be part of what He is doing in my life and in the lives of those around me by His strength and His empowerment.  I don’t live for me, for my desires, for my selfish victimness that wants pity and control.  (uh huh…the flesh lives on.)  But every day, Paul says, “I beat my body into submission…”  Staying on the altar is the only way to keep my flesh submitted to my spirit, which is in a divine, unexplainable, inextricable amalgamation with the Holy Spirit, which is the Spirit of Jesus Himself…  hallelujah!  With that combination, the only option for me is a win-win!  And it is for YOU, too! 

By Rhonda Sassano

Father, according to Luke 11, You will not withhold from us when we ask for the Holy Spirit. So Father, in Jesus Name, I ask You to give me the fullness of Your Holy Spirit.  I declare Song of Songs 7:2, “Out of my inmost being is flowing the fullness of Your Spirit—-never failing to satisfy.”  That’s my heart, Father, to be satisfied with Your Presence. To surrender myself completely.  To look to You for every need, every want, every choice, every word.  You promise that when I turn to You with my whole heart, You will be found. So, I take my eyes away from all that holds me back:  all the distress, all the disappointment, all the unfinished dreams, all the lingering hopes . . . I bury the promise in Who You Are. I tuck myself under the shadow and comfort of Your wings. I know You are faithful, and I trust Your work will be good, and it will make me more like You. Help me be still and listen to Your whispers of love… they can be so hard to hear when fear is so loud. Give me courage to simply ignore every other voice that steals my attention. Even now, today, this moment, You are speaking.  You are speaking life to my spirit, health to my body, truth to my mind.  I receive it.  I break up the soil of my heart to let your Words go down deep.  In Jesus name. 

“Clean hands, pure heart 

I bury the promise in Who You are

I tuck myself under the shadow and comfort of Your wing 

You are real and You reward 

I’m strong thru the power of the Word 

You are life and breath to me 

Your face is all I long to see”

This is a prayer I pray over myself, daily, when I remember.  It reminds me what’s important:

Who He is, who I am, What He’s doing.  Because nothing else really truly matters.  (Yeah, that’s oddly disturbing and yet, deeply comforting…) but very, very true.  That’s why when we ask according to His will, we know we have what we ask for.  

Lately, I’ve been praying a simple prayer:  “Help me want what You want, Lord.  Help me want Your will more than anything.”  That’s a prayer He can answer with delight! And I can take comfort that it’s not a “gimme gimme” prayer or one rooted in pride or any other fleshly emotion.  Because His goal is to increase His Presence in my life. And my goal is to let Him!  No matter what it takes.  No matter the rejection or heartache, no matter the changes or losses.  

I want more of Him.  He alone is worth it all. 

With joy,

Rhonda

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

Out of my innermost being is flowing the fullness of Your Holy Spirit—never failing to satisfy. Within my  womb there is a birthing of harvest wheat; they are the sons and daughters nurtured by the purity I impart. How gracious you are to me, how gracious have made me!  Song of Solomon 7:2

I pray, Jesus, that you would multiply this verse in my life.  That out of my innermost being your Holy Spirit will flow with such passion and peace that everyone I connect with knows instantly that You are closer than close.  That You are more real than they could’ve imagined. 

But life.  And work. And relationships.  Yes Jesus.  I give it all up quick before I change my mind… You have my eternal yes.  You are worth it. I feel like I still haven’t learned well how to stay engaged in my spirit with You and live out the day in front of me.  Help me to be aware, of You, and aware of how much You adore me!  increase my awareness of Your desire to BE with me.  Every step I take, every moment, You long for intimacy with me. And I am deeply, desperately unworthy.  Except for the blood of Jesus.   Thank you, Jesus, such a marvelous humbleness in You, that a beautiful perfect Prince would give his life for me, such a poor pauper.  I owe you everything.  I give you everything. I invite you into every situation, every circumstance.  Into every place in me that is ugly and selfish and worthy of death.  all of me belongs to all of You.  Do with me what you will; I accept it with joy.  I command my heart to be open to hear Your Word and I receive the deep transformation it brings.  You are worth every effort, every early morning, every prayer, every moment of worship.  

With joy,

Rhonda

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

Yup.  Still here.  Depression is a real booger. My phone calendar, every morning, reminds me that others are wondering if I’ll be different today, better, more engaged and less distant.  

I’m trying.  

I made myself a list this morning, hopefully from the Holy Spirit… and I thought I’d share it with you.  Perhaps you’ll find something helpful in your own journey.  

1. Make a list of things I’ve stopped doing.  Pick one to start doing again.  Add another tomorrow. Or next week. 
2. Express thankfulness for every little thing.  Count my blessings.  Increase gratitude, in my heart, if not in my words.  
3. Be obedient to the Holy Spirit, no matter what.  It’s the easiest way to be, literally, closer to Father. 
4. Take care of my self—- wash my hands, brush my teeth, put stuff away, take showers, use lotion, makeup, fragrances, etc. 
5. Engage in a creative activity that expresses my emotions.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help me acknowledge the feelings in ways that open the door for healing. 
6. Clean / organize / plant something.
7. Don’t give in to addictions; let the pain drive me to the Lord instead. 
8. Speak Scripture over myself.  Read them with my name in there.  Col 1:1-17, esp 17.  Ps 1:1-3
9. Eliminate sugar from my diet.  Yes, seriously.  Tell myself, “I hate sugar.  I hate what it does to me.  I detest sweet things because they actively worsen my health.  Sweet treats are a trick of the enemy to make my emotions feel better temporarily.”
10. Time for quiet reflection is vital to recovering healing.  Don’t fill it with music or worship but allow sadness / grief / disappointment / fear / anger to overtake me and bring it to the Father.  Use the honesty tool and write down what Father says. Reread it to myself for 7 consecutive days. 

Remember that brokenness is painful.  But necessary for the next step.  Healing is coming.  Do my part.  Wait on the Lord.  Be of good courage and He will strengthen my heart.  And yours. 

Love, 

Rhonda

If you are struggling with fear, anxiety, discouragement, disappointment, or depression, please reach me at sunnyshade13@gmail.com.  I am a certified mental health coach and would count it a privilege to walk with you in your journey to better mental health. 

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

”Oh Father, make yourself real to me like You promised me You would. Because of Your constant love and Your heart-melting kindness, come be my hero and deliver me! I’m so broken, needy and hurting. My heart is pierced through and I’m so wounded. I’m the example of failure and shame to all who see me. They just walk by me, shaking their heads, glad I’m the one suffering and not them.  It’s the internal voices in my own head that beat me mercilessly, that mock me and insist I’m unworthy and  unloved and unloveable.  How can I escape my own thoughts?  No matter where I hide, they find me, sneaking up out of the blue and stabbing me til blood pours out.   

You have to help me, O Lord God! Idols are everywhere, and it is so convenient to allow them to distract me from my pain…  but afterwards, nothing has changed.  My heart still hurts, my circumstances are just as overwhelming.  

I cannot live here.  

No.  No longer.  No more.  Not again.  

Savior!  My true hero, come to my rescue and save me, for You alone are loving and kind.  You truly care for me and want to know my deepest wounds and ugliest scars… You felt each injury.  But Your gaze is healing ointment that burns, but purifies.  Like fire that sears but cleanses. When Your breath blows over it, the ash dissipates and a new heart is revealed, soft and pliable, the hardness gone.  I will be so changed that everyone will know it is You that has won my victory, and they will all say to the Lord, “This is Your work, only You could do this!”

I will give my thanks to you over and over, and let everyone hear my lavish praises. 

For You stand right next to me, a broken one.  You are undeterred by my weakness, and unashamed to be my Champion.  You delight in my desire for You.  You are my saving hero and You rescue me from all my accusers, even from me.  

‭‭

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”

By Rhonda Sassano

How to hear (really!) the voice of God

If you are like me, I struggle to recognize the voice of the Lord.  Especially when I’m hurting inside over … well, whatever the latest situation is.  Couple that with constantly battling depression, and I’m in a pickle just trying to pluck up courage to pray, much less hear what He’s really saying.  But.  I came across the “Honesty Tool” a couple of years ago.  All the kudos to Jonathon and Melissa Helser and the team at Cageless Birds (find them on FaceBook!)  for putting it together and making it available.  The Honesty Tool can be found in at least two of their Captivated workbooks, volumes 4 and 6.  But here it is in a nutshell:

Using the Honesty Tool

When you encounter a situation that brings up an intense reaction, either internally or externally (or both), STOP.  As soon as possible, find a quiet place and walk through these steps.

1. Grab something with which to write things down (pen and paper are best, but a tablet works too.)  Say, “Holy Spirit, I need your help.  What is really going on when that happens?” Then, write down the gist of the situation that created your angst. 
2. Include thoughts and feelings that you were experiencing because of  the situation.
3. Reflect.  Go back and read what you wrote down.  Underline any thoughts that are scripturally untrue.  
4. Say, “Holy Spirit, speak to me the truth.  What does Father say about these things?”

        5.  Write down what the Father says in the form of a letter from Him to you.  

            Start with “Dear Name,” and write it all down.  Don’t stop until He finishes.  Don’t worry,  you’ll know.  

Let me share a sample with you from my own experience.  I’ll try not to give TMI ;D

Holy Spirit, what is really going on here?  I feel detached.  From you.  I realize I’m disappointed about having to find another job, but this detached feeling started before that.  Losing a couple very important items for a week certainly didn’t help. Not finding them even after I prayed has been a let-down, too.  But I did find all three items eventually, so thank you for that.  My better half needs regular medical care right now, and it’s unknown how far into the future that will need to continue.  The expense alone is … more than I can think about without getting overwhelmed.  And despite my prayers for healing, the situation worsened…it’s hard to keep believing when that happens.  I don’t know what to do differently with diet and physical aspects to help the healing begin.  I do know ALL healing comes from You, so maybe I should just receive it as it comes and not fuss about the delivery or lack thereof…. Lack of success with my website is a blow, too, because I thought that would be a source of income and I wouldn’t need to keep looking for employment.  We experienced some unexpected rejection by friends and family members at a wedding we had traveled to attend.  Then, a very close friend didn’t appreciate my answer to an impertinent query.  Then they asked me, “How come worshipping doesn’t fix you?”  I was shocked and hurt at the lack of understanding. 

I am really struggling to process all the disappointment.  Are they all just paper tigers, meant to keep me from Your Presence? Out of the Holy of Holies?  To obscure the sight of Your throne?  Your face?  All together they do not seem momentary or light afflictions.  They feel heavy and burdensome and cumbersome. I try to lay them down, but another one always comes…

(Pause right here for a sec.  I should go back and underline some of the lies in the previous paragraphs, but I didn’t want to interrupt your reading.  Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the lies to you…)

Holy Spirit, please speak to me Your truth.  What does Father say about these things?

“My Precious Rhonda.  None of this is meant for your disappointment.  I am letting these things stir up stuff from the bottom so I can skim them off the top.  So the top water will be as clear and refreshing as what’s coming out of the dike.  I know you look at your life and see nothing but debris and swirling mud.  I receive your worship in the midst of the struggle.  It is a sacrifice that I admire and receive with such immense joy!  Don’t let go of the life preservers of my Word and your own worship!  Floods eventually recede.  Let Me get rid of the debris before it settles back into place.  Keep telling yourself the truth!  “Think on these things,” keep your focus on ME, on the eternal!  You are doing GREAT!  You continue to obey even with a small cheat here and there, but I truly don’t mind, if it helps you fast longer.  The idea of income from the website wasn’t in My plan.  It won’t meet the need.  And that is OK.  It’s My job to provide for you, not yours.  You just trust ME.  You keep worshipping.  

And btw, worshipping doesn’t “fix you.”  It changes your perspective of ME, not necessarily those in your life.  That’s not the purpose of worship.  The purpose of worship is to glorify Me, to make Me bigger in your life.  Don’t respond to the manipulative comments.  Don’t act in kind when the opportunity arises. Your friend belongs to Me.  I will get through to them in My own way, in My own time.  Keep reminding yourself of the good things.  All the good things.  Of the truth of My Word.  You’ve experienced it for yourself.  Call it to mind.  Still true, regardless of emotions.  I, even I am saying these things to you, my Beloved.  They are true and I love you intensely.  Remember the “word for the year” that I gave you:  “ALL OF IT”…. “All of it” is on the way, and already happening!  

Love, Abba”

I hope you can sense the Father’s heart towards me in His reply.  He doesn’t avoid the questions.  His answers are direct, poignant, and reasonable.  How do I know it’s the Father’s voice and not out of my own head?  That’s easy… I am not so kind to myself, or so encouraging.  I never refer to myself as “precious” or remind myself to refer to the Word or acknowledge that emotions are less important than the truth of Scripture.  All those things assure me that whenever I turn to Him with my whole heart, He is there.  He answers.  Even better and more incredulous, He WANTS to speak to me and He WANTS me to hear and recognize His voice.  

Now, you have a choice. The only question is, are you ready to hear His voice?  Sit down with pen and paper.  Think back to your last overreaction or intense response.  Follow the steps and see what happens.  I think you’ll like it!

With joy and renewed hope,

Rhonda 

P.S.  If you are struggling with anxiety, disappointment, fear, discouragement, or depression, please reach out to me.  There are several options on my bio page, but here’s the easiest way:  email me at sunnyshade13@gmail.com.  I’m a certified mental health coach who also struggles with some of the above, and I would be honored to help you on the journey to better mental health and even healing.  

By Rhonda Sassano

Note to Self

I just need to write some things down. If you don’t want to know any brutal honest truth about me other than what you already know,  don’t feel compelled to keep reading.  

A friend from my childhood came to visit me, and I loved her being here, but it raised some doubts about myself and who I am.  Maybe “doubts” isn’t the right word, but I realized a few things about myself simply because she came.

One of the things I realized is that I have based my life on two priorities.  First priority is to please other people.  (Yes, you read that correctly.  I truly wish it said “to please the Lord.) The second priority is my personal, internal peace.  These two priorities kinda feed off each other, in that, I need the people who are important to me to be happy with me in order for me to be at peace. Nothing earth-shaking there, right?  But this is both frustrating and disappointing to me, because I have been working really hard at not needing affirmation from anyone other than my heavenly Father. And this is no wimpy “oh, I’ll get over it” need, either.  It’s real and very deep and extremely powerful.  It literally is the driving force behind much of what I say, what I do, how I decide, and how I act, even.  And this discovery has been nothing less than wrecking, emotionally.  (If you’ve already known this about me, haha, just let me know!) 

Here’s the crux:  I feel unable to be any different, because I’ve spent 50+ years living out these two priorities.  The most challenging part is that one seems to equal the other:  I have peace when all the important people in my life are happy with me. So I make people happy by pleasing them, in order for myself to be at peace. Thus, all of my people-pleasing is really a selfish act on my part, performed to keep peace in my own heart. It all seems so selfish and self-serving and frustrating to think about a lifetime of continuing on this path I don’t know how to change.  

My only course is to plead for help from the Holy Spirit to live by these verses from Colossians 1 (my paraphrase)

“I will walk in the ways of true righteousness, pleasing God in every good thing I do. Then i will continue to be a fruit-bearing branch, yielding to His life, and maturing in the rich experience of knowing God in His fullness! And I will be energized with all His (noy my own) explosive power from the realm of His magnificent glory, filling me with great hope. My heart soars with joyful gratitude when i think of how God made me worthy to receive the glorious inheritance freely given to me by living in the light. He has rescued me completely from the tyrannical rule of darkness and has translated me into the kingdom realm of His beloved Son. For in the Son all my sins are canceled and I have the release of redemption through His very blood. He is the divine portrait, the true likeness of the invisible God, and the firstborn heir of all creation. For in Him was created the universe of things, both in the heavenly realm and on the earth, all that is seen and all that is unseen. Every seat of power, realm of government, principality, and authority—it all exists through Him and for His purpose! He existed before anything was made, and now everything finds completion in Him, including me.”

That’s a long way of saying that this life is about Him, not me.  It’s about pleasing Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith, not about pleasing my family or anyone else.  Many times, what I’m doing at any given moment is both pleasing Him AND pleasing a person.  It’s more about what is motivating my “desire to please” than my actual actions.  And no, I’m not good at remembering to focus on pleasing Him rather than her/him.  But with the help of the Holy Spirit and these verses, I’m going to improve. There are definitely plenty of opportunities to practice!  And daily, I have plenty of chances to practice keeping my peace when someone I love is unhappy with me.  

The Father is patient with me, so I guess I can be, too.  I cannot please everyone all the time.  But I can make it my life’s mission to please the One who matters most.  

With joy,

Rhonda

P.S.  If you struggle with anxiety, disappointment, despair, or depression, please reach out to me.  I am a certified mental health coach who also struggles with those things, and I would be delighted to share my healing and help you find yours! 

“God is not looking for those who can but those who will.”