By Ashlie Miller
If this weekend is difficult because Mom is gone, I write this for you:
Imagine writing a letter to Mom who has passed away – it may be pretty raw. For many, Mother’s Day can be a lonely, sad day. Memories of gathering for picnics or brunch, going shopping, or taking a special trip can be replaced by wondering what to do with the Sunday or weekend once Mom is no longer present.
Your mother may have died suddenly, or you may have had a long goodbye. While we may celebrate that our mothers are no longer living with pain, sometimes there is still a pain that lingers inside us. It’s something more than grief of lost things – the person, the relationship, the future memories to be missed. For some, there are things left unsaid, sorrow over past actions, or regrets about what we could not do or prevent.
Maybe your family didn’t say things that should be said, like “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I’m sorry,” or “I forgive you.” There was no great animosity in the relationship; things went well, in general, but there was no real verbal declaration of true love.
Or perhaps, you live with your head down in shame and guilt over the lack of honor given to your mother during a season of rebellion. It may not have even been for most of your relationship, or perhaps it was. Her patience and prayers during your rebellion welcomed you back home, but now that she’s gone, you wish you could go back in time to undo what was done. Wasted years, we may call them.
Some children learn of their mom’s health issues too late in the game. Mom was trying to protect you from hurt, decisions, financial or other obligations. You believe you could have done more if you had known earlier. And you feel guilt, or maybe even anger.
“Does she know how I feel? Does she know I have regrets? Does she know I am sorry?” If we could write a letter to her, maybe it would be filled with things like that. But what would she say? I cannot speak for all mothers, but for the Christian mother, here are two things we know are true:
Firstly, God Himself has wiped away all of Mom’s tears. The sorrows she carried on earth are healed perfectly! (See Revelation 7:17 and 21:4). Have you had seasons where you get past hurt or manage it in the moment? That is only a foretaste of the grace God bestows upon His beloved in eternity – and when He wipes away tears, He does so completely and perfectly.
Secondly, Mom is not remembering any of the former earthly things – any losses, any hurts, but even the wins and gains all fade when before the presence of God (see Isaiah 65:17). That comforts my heart! She is so overwhelmed before her Maker, Savior, and Sustainer that everything pales in comparison. She could not remember even if she wanted to.
On this Mother’s Day weekend, for those without Mom, remember these truths and live in the light of love and forgiveness. If your mom is still here, do the best that you can, considering the relationship, to let her know you love her.
Ashlie Miller’s mom is in heaven, but with five children of her own, Mother’s Day is still sweet. You may email her at mrs.ashliemiller@gmail.com.
